When It Doesn’t Work Out: Lessons Learned

Things you learn when a relationship ends:

1.)  You learn that there is in fact a fate worse than dying alone. That fate is spending the rest of your life with the wrong person.

2.)  You start to piece together what it is you actually need from a relationship. You also figure out what you don’t need/should probably stay the hell away from.

3.)  Feeling lonely can happen regardless of relationship status.

4.)  Feeling loved/supported/heard can also happen regardless of relationship status. Romantic love isn’t the only kind out there.

5.)  You’ll learn to trust your instincts. Whether it feels wrong or right: You’ll have the courage to pursue what you need and the same to walk away from what you don’t.

6.)  Your own issues will bubble up and smack you in the face, oftentimes repeatedly. It’s worth it to take the time to feel your feelings and process them, instead of just getting defensive and pushing them down. If you need to seek help to work through them, now might be good time to do so.

7.)  Hopefully, you’ll learn to stand up for yourself.

8.)  You’ll learn to forgive others. For the most part, we’re all just trying to figure out how to be happy and we’ll all mess up a lot in the process. Holding on to anger and disappointment really only hurts you.

9.)  You’ll learn to forgive yourself. Just like it (most likely) wasn’t all their fault, it wasn’t all your fault either. Give yourself a break.

10.)  Relationships are messy and aren’t really built to be lined up perfectly with your 5-year plan. Or some arbitrary timeline of milestones. Things happen when they happen. Hopefully, you’ll learn to enjoy the present moment more often, rather than worrying about what comes next. The worrying never really turns out to be worth it. (Said the worrier.)